Washington, D.C. - Reports coming in from the White House have confirmed the suspicions that current president George W. Bush has been thinking of running for re-election in 2004, despite the (hopefully) certainty of his defeat.
This morning a chief white house aide addressed the press saying that Mr. Bush woke up today talking about the upcoming campaign race and how he was determined to throw even more ridiculous gobs of money at it to ensure his victory. "It's really kind of sad to see the president so optimistic in such a hopeless situation," said the faceless aide.
To get a better understanding of how others feel about this sure to be embarrassing event that will be felt by the American public like every other one of Bush's decisions, The Spoof staff has spared no expense to interview those people in, around, outside of, and relatively aware of the Bush administration. Here is the actual quotes:
Colin Powell, Secretary of State: "Boy, am sick of being internationally embarrassed by that moron. I wish he'd think about others for a change. I mean, uh, I stand by the president and his decisions. You can edit that, right?"
Donald Rumsfeld, Secretary of Defense: "The Presidential race as we know it, or as most people know it, or even as some people know it, is filled with unknowns that most people know about, of which some know they don't know, some don't know they know, and others don't know they know what they don't know, you know? (Editorial note: The Spoof believes that what Mr. Rumsfeld is trying to say is that the presidential race can be even more mysterious than the way he speaks.)
Barbara Bush, G.W. Bush's mother: "I wish Georgie would learn to save himself from humiliation. I'd try to change his mind but I've never done anything in my entire life and I'm not going to start now. Besides, everyone knows that he's his father's son."
George Bush Sr., Former President and father of G.W. Bush: "Since I always do the opposite of what I say, I'm going to say that I will not ask my friends in power to help my son gain the presidency, like I did last election.
John Kerry, Democrat Presidential Nominee: Really! Shit, this makes my job a helluva lot easier. Man, that's the best news I've had all month.
Arnold Schwarzenegger, Governator of California (R): "Get away from me you puny reporters. You are all girlie men. I am going to be next president. Me! Ahh-nold!
Joseph McVeigh, Expert of all fields by his own accord including politics: "Personally, I think Donald Duck has a better chance of winning."