WIXOM, MICHIGAN: Town Officials confirmed last weeks rumor that Jesus Christ did in fact come down off the cross inside Our Ladies of Blessed Mercy church.
Tom Meyers, a janitor at the church, was the first to discover Christ missing from the large marble crucifix that dominates the wall behind the main pew of the interior.
"I initially thought it was some kind of practical joke. But I walked outside and there he was."
Meyers described Christ as around six feet tall, skinny, and mild mannered in appearance.
"He kind of just stood there looking bored. He walked up the street to 7-11 and then came back."
Christ apparently had some difficulty re-nailing himself to the cross, but luckily Tom and several locals were nearby to help out.
"The other people that helped weren't Jews, but one of them was Italian looking" Tom clarified.
Town officials offered no explanation or reason as to why Christ decided to come down off the cross.