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Tuesday, 3 November 2009

image for Lindsay Lohan is scaring Samantha Ronson with her hole
Samantha Ronson

Lindsay Lohan said she is not allowed to be around Samantha Ronson because Ronson never enjoyed the lesbian sex.

Lindsay Lohan says she has a hole in her life and wants Ronson to fill it. Lohan complains she does not like living alone without Ronson's used-up look.

Ronson's mother and sister are pursuing a restraining order against the "Mean Girls" star, according to several reports.

Ronson is a music DJ and was lured into a lesbian relationship with talk about fame and wealth.

The DJ's mother, Ann Dexter-Jones, and twin sister, designer Charlotte Ronson, visited the Beverly Hills Police Department on Monday to look into filing the order against Lohan, a police officer confirmed to us.

Ronson's mother complained, "My daughter has been seeing a physiatrist and is suicidal.' 'She is not a boy and she had to endure so much pain during the relationship.' 'Lohan was always wet and desperate for sex.'"

In a private interview Ronson says that it is very painful playing the role of a man and having to satisfy a beautiful woman like Lohan. Ronsons said she couldn't stand watching attractive young couples together anymore while she was trapped as a man in the relationship. She said she was wasting her youth and she got tired of the agony of lesbian sex since she was the only one serving Lohan.

Charlotte said "She was trying to get into my party this weekend to get sex from my sister. We had to tell security to keep her out. Then she booked a room at the Chateau Marmont. Her room was right below. She also followed our brother Mark around asking him out on a date."

Lohan, who is reportedly devastated by the split, had to be restrained by five bodyguards while trying to get into Charlotte's bash this weekend, while Samantha DJed inside.

The actress later took to her private Twitter account, accusing Samantha of cheating on her.

Added Ann: "She cuts herself too. She is a cutter!"

According to Charlotte, Lohan even broke into their hotel room. "She does these acts of public humiliation. It is all for attention from my sister. I am tired of watching my sister get used up like a boy. She was also got physical with Mark by grabbing his privates."

Samantha's family was instructed to file a petition for a restraining order at the Santa Monica courthouse.

Lohan confirmed her split with Samantha Ronson saying, "We are taking a brief break so I can focus on myself."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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