St. Petersburgh, FL- According to Deputy Assistant Weather Chairperson on Hurricane Development and Other Related Things (DAWCHDORT), Michael Snodgrass, Florida is in for a titanic blast from nature. The trail end of hurricane Charlie will be shooting out a jet stream of foul winds (reaching 165 mph). This is the first time a hurricane has developed such a deadly trait. At a total loss for technical weather terminology, meteorologists around the country have been referring to this phenomenon as a "hurricane fart".
"I must admit it sounds fairly comical", explains ballerina-gone-meteorologist William "Hot Bill" Francy, "but such a fart could be fatal for many in its path. Fatal farts are not comical. In my experience."
Many officials believe that Charlie's fatal fart will only leave death and destruction. Florida Governor, Stanley Ipkiss, has decided to create a new government position in response to the severity of the fart. This new advisor, officially called the Advisor on Hazardous Farts, will aid the Governor in making decisions regarding hazardous fats in and around the state of Florida.
Echoing this bold act is Californian Governator Arnold Schwarzaneggar, who appointed his own Hazardous Farts Advisor this morning, saying that he "[does] not want to be caught unprepared if a fart suddenly tore through the great city...I mean....state of California."
Weather experts are studying the fart with great intensity. Collecting samples of the fart and taking readings could provide insight into the belly of the hurricane, but approaching the fart is extremely dangerous.
Experts informed citizens that it is vital to avoid Charlie's fart at all costs. Says one official, Spreely Eely, "as an official I am qualified to warn you about farts...(laughter).....so be careful about Charlie's far...(hysterical laughter)...be careful about that big ol' fart that Charlie's gonna let loose (uncontollable laughter)."
Other experts are slightly more candid. Says Oggy Crag, a weatherwoman from the stoneage, through a translator, "the implications of such a disastrous fart may surly worry even the most level-headed person. However, it is important to know that we are closely monitoring the fart, and as soon as it goes awry, or gets worse, or changes direction, we will increase the warning on your televison screen. We here at the weather place know that your safety is important, so we are working hard to track the fart and warn you about the fart. On the whole, we are very focused on the fart. We are fart-oriented as of this moment in time. Fart."
So depending on what Charlie eats up, Flordanites could be in for a messy adventure as they brave weather's first hurricane fart.