President Obama made his most important speech today to the American people and he stated right up front, "This is no Halloween joke, no Orson Well's 'War Of The Worlds', this is true. All I ask is for the public not to panic."
"Everywhere in the world right now, the leaders of all nations are making this same announcement: Apparently, aliens have contacted earth."
"Now please stay calm. If they have been out there all this time and have not came here to hurt us, there is no reason to think that they will hurt us now."
The President continued with his speech and said that after the short announcement, he and others will be attending a special session at the UN while he was in touch with Washington and Houston.
"While I'm at it, I want to confess that the U.S. and others..yes, all our presidents except me, who just heard it, knew all along that the UFOs were real since 1947."
When asked why the reason for the sudden contact now, the President stated: "Back a few years ago, we sent a swett little Beatles song "Across The Universe" into space. Well, somebody screwed up big time and apparently, sent 'Helter Skelter'."
"I have to go. There will be photos of the aliens on TV later. All I can tell you is that they seem to be people-like and look a lot like Charles Manson."