Written by Ulver
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Saturday, 31 October 2009

image for Scotland Yard Movie Line Up Boob!
Wes Rimswell as he may look today

New Scotland Yard had a "bad day at the office" when officers included pictures of actors from a seedy 1970s porn film among images of people wanted after a recent football riot.

The error came about when the Metropolitan Police used an old betamax copy of "Debbie Does Deptford" to capture images of fans fighting at a game between West Ham and Millwall.

Police must have been watching with the sound off - because they failed to hear the awesome cheesey bass track or to notice that the video included footage of 1970's bepermed hairy chaps and Amazon-like pubic bushes that could have been visible from space, rather than any actual football violence.

When the Yard recently issued 66 pictures of people supposedly caught on camera during the Carling Cup clash in August, they mistakenly included stills of six actors from the long-forgotten 1970s movie, including Wes Rimswell, Hung Kon Phooey and Brad Nutzack.

Scotland Yard said: "We wish to apologise unreservedly to those affected. We are going to be actively trying to contact those people to offer our apologies and we will also ensure that our Vice Squad evidence is no longer stored alongside out Public Order CCTV evidence."

The film is about a young man who joins a "firm" of Deptford-based roller disco "freaks" who plumb the 70s back-street "discos" of vibrant Deptford for hard core action.

Wes Rimswell, who played nymphomaniac roller-skater Bex, was one of the actors whose image was issued to journalists.

Jizzum Films of Soho, which made the movie, told The Cycle: "We are delighted that our scenes are so realistic people can't tell the difference between them and real events, although I don't recall any actual football violence in the film, as far as I remember there was some girl on girl, some reverse cowgirl, a bit of Jiz in Perm action and a soapy tit wank."

Yard insiders described the mix-up as a "bad day at the office" for those responsible.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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