Washington DC - The two little Obama girls both burst into tears this morning after a night of trick-or-treating. Someone had eaten all their candy. All of the 1,000 candy bars that the little girls had collected were gone. The hungry monster even ate the little girls Halloween bags and jack-o-lantern, leaving only a half-eaten candle behind. Tears turned into sobs when the little girls realized it was their mother, Big Michelle, who was the culprit.
Big Michelle loves candy. Her massive hippopotamus-like jaws can smash even the hardest jawbreaker. She can smell chocolate from a mile away, and she even eats the candy wrappers. "Why not." she said. "They have chocolate on them too, and they are organic! Mmm mmmm mmmmm!" she said as she munched on a chocolate-covered cow for breakfast.
The sweet-toothed swing-belly did try to explain to her girls why she ate all their candy. The girls didn't believe a word of it.
"I have rock-star arms and they need lots and lots of sugar!" she lied. "I am the most beautiful woman that ever lived!" she lied some more. "Oh, all right. I'm just a fat, f*cking slob who eats my own kids Halloween candy." she laughed. "One day I might even eat you!" said Big Michelle, and she chased them around the White House until their tears turned into laughter.
Later, after she ate a whale for lunch, Big Michelle became more serious and explained some facts of life to her girls.
"When you both get older, you will get fat like me, real fat." she emphasized. "Your asses will also be the size of New Jersey when you grow up. One day you will both thank me for eating all your Halloween candy!" she explained.
Big Michelle's stomach began growling again, and she went to look for another chocolate-covered cow.
"Mmmmm mmm mmmmm!" chanted Big Michelle as she ate the cow. "Mmmmmmmm mmmm mmmmmmmm!"