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Wednesday, 11 August 2004

image for Lost In Translation
All this crap is giving me a migraine.

Osama bin Laden brushed a bat off his knee and straightened his robe. The cave was growing dark as he poured the tea. It was small but neat with pictures of Arsenal on the wall. "But for Benditlike it could all have been so different". he sighed.

Benditlike Ali was the fanatical Islamic fundamentalist who had translated bin Laden for the press and world governments. As a result the man of peace had been totally misread, misunderstood and missed by a wide variety of bombs.

The news had been broken by Al Jazeera who showed a video wherein bin Laden had stated that "..the Caliphate while desirable was too divisive." Ali had translated this as "...burn brightly you infidels in the West for we are coming to destroy all of you. Your wives and children will roast on open fires as supper for our warriors and your lands will become the lands of the faithful....etc etc sign it OBL Ms Jackson".

Professor Abdul Karim, head of the department of translators at Teheran University said that the error was no more than a Freudian slip on the part of Ali. It was an easy mistake to make.

Al Jazeera then showed a second video in which bin Laden states : "I cannot see past Manchester United winning the European Champions League". Ali translated that as : "The mad dog will slaughter the chickens as they flee the coop".

Professor Achmed bin Hamas of Luton Universities Arabic studies opined : "In a case like this I have to agree with what Benditlike Ali did. He was faced with the choice of a direct translation, which would leave Osama looking like a total idiot ; I mean can you imagine what people would think of his sanity if they heard he believed United would win the Champions League? Alternatively the inflammatory remarks which retains Osama's credibility".

"He did mention it was in the Coop, so it wasn't a total foul up", bin Hamas said.

Another example was taken off CNN which required an Arabic lip reader. He advised Ali that bin Laden said that for his holidays he wanted a cove with a sea view. Ali in turn translated this as "bin Laden says that the last of the weapons of mass destruction have arrived in Iraq I hope Bush doesn't hear about it. Worse if Kerry gets to hear we'll be killed in the avalanche of medals being thrown away".

Professor bin Hamas was amazed : "That is exactly how you translate it. No wonder there's conflict we should speak to each other more often.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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