Written by Stuart Gilbert
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Thursday, 4 April 2002

After the unprecedented move of Osama Bin Laden to ABC he became violent and angry, ABC sought action to remove Bin Laden from their station and anything to do with it.

New station STU (Special Transmissions Unit) quickly bought the intrepid, psychopathic reporter spotting the endless possibilities that first attracted ABC.

Chief Spokesperson Paul Donald said "We needed someone who nobody liked yet someone that everybody would watch. We then decided higher ratings would be acheived if the person was sent on fake escapades in search of stories in dangerous and unhealthy places."

Most Recently Bin Laden has been sent directly to the depths of Hell in search of a fairy who got lost on it's way to Birmingham.STU have reportedly lost contact with Bin Laden and are set to lose a huge £10 000 000 if Bin Laden fails to return.

We tried to get a quote directly from STU but all we received was "Oh go to Hell... ooh now hang on, there's an idea... no it's been done".

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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