Washington, D.C. - Proud officials from the DEA announced that in a massive sweep, they arrested over 300 suspected members of La Familia, believed to be a drug cartel. The other cartels are still fully operational.
What is odd about this, and what says so much about the U.S. government, is that this was the one cartel that actually tried to have a soul. They forbade drug use amongst themselves and their territory, forbade violence towards women, and deeply religious, required church attendance amongst their employees.
"Well now", said Agen Vern Dimbulb of the DEA. "We couldn't let people start getting the idea that drug use was a personal choice and that some dealers and cartels worked for the good of society, could we? So we done went and crushed the best and nicest one we could find."
If you are a drug addict, you still need not fear any price increase. An inside source at the DEA has assured us that the billions of tons of illegal drugs that pour through our highly guarded borders by land, sea and air will continue to come in, while DEA, ATF and U.S. Border Patrol men grow rich on bribes.
"Naw, there's plenty of drugs, this big bust didn't amount to nothing. Just us makin' a bunch of ruckus to look like we're doing somthing", continued Vern. "Obama wanted to look all tough on drugs, too. He's probably gettin' ready for that Afghan surge or somethin'."
The leader of La Familia was unavailable for comment, but sources say that typical American braggadochio notwithstanding, they should by no means be counted out.