Written by Alexandria177
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Topics: college, rich

Friday, 23 October 2009

image for Georgetown 'fancy lad' misses mommy
"Jeeves! Bring me my towel, boy, and make it snappy.", says the young Master.

Spoiled America - Charley is away from home for the first time, and for a young lad of rich parents, this can be daunting. As a big boy sophomore, he's expected to go to all his classes, work a hoighty-toighty finance job, and still manage to find time to do his homework.

Ye gads! What is a lad to do?

Well, if your Charley, you advertise for a mommy. Someone to clean the skidmarks out of your undies, fold them and put them up the way you like it. Someone to call and schedule your hair cut, and tell the hairdresser how you like it - just like mommy would do for you.

Oh, and just scads of other things, just too dreary to even contemplate. Really. One gets faint just thinking of them. So one hires a servant from the lower classes. The lower classes where they are used to such drudgery.

Welcome to Obama's America, where in the midst of layoffs and downsizings, one can always find work as a man-servant (at ten to twelve whole dollars an hour!) wiping the ass of our class betters.

Charley condescendingly explains on his ad that he will - if you are lucky enough to be accepted out of all those he interviews - email you once each morning, to set out the day's chores for you. The young lad manages to sound both cute and stern in saying that he expects an email back saying either what you were not able to do, or better, that you have got it all done.

As Charley is only offering three to seven hours of work per week, one wonders at his own level of energy that he thinks it could remain unfinished in a day. But of course, young Master Charley is no one's fool, and the reason it's "only" three to seven hours is due to Charley's unique system for dealing with "the help".

You will not, for instance, be paid for the whole laundry cycle when you are cleaning the young Master's underwear. You will be paid for the time loading the washer, adding soap to it, and unloading it. And for folding it the way he likes. But not the cycling times. What you choose to do with your free time is up to you, but Charley no doubt expects you'll use that extra time to better yourself as a person.

Master Charley is a kind master, though, and he is not so sloppy as to leave things to chance. Should you be blessed with a position on his staff, he has preliminarily wrote up time estimates for each of his biddings that he shall have you do. So you don't feel tempted (as we lower class sods so often do) to goldbrick, or be but an eye servant.

Insiders close to Charley report that they are actually not close to him, and think he's a crashing bore and pretentious loser, too. "Did you see his ad? It may be possible to earn 'bonuses at his discretion'? Who the fuck does this dork think he is, Little Lord Fauntleroy?", said all those who knew him. We were unable to find the group known as "all those who like him".

While young Master Charley speaks of pursuing a career in finance or entertainment, somehow one feels that a career in public service is awaiting this busy young man. The fancy lad says that he is planning a minor in Spanish. He no doubt believes that will come in handy for when he's condescending to his future maid.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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