Gullible Gulch, Texas - In a move not matched in the history of gullibility since fresh off the boat Sven Svenderson bought the Brooklyn Bridge in 1922, a 67 year old man has lost his ticket to a convenient store clerk.
The real winner, apparently unable to find out whether the numbers were the winning ones by watching TV, listening to the radio, reading the newspaper, asking a trusted friend over a phone, or calling the Lottery Commission itself, decided that his best course of action...
...was to hand over the actual ticket to a minimal wage earning foreign born clerk at a convenient store.
Surprising only the 67 year old winner, who presumably must now be examined for early onset Alzheimer's, the clerk told him that he'd only won $2. Which the clerk gave him.
Then, and don't bother sitting down, this won't shock you, the clerk claimed the real winnings of almost a million dollars after taxes, banked it, withdrew a lot, and disappeared into Himalayan mountains.
Lottery officials have seized some of the money still left in some of the many accounts the clerk opened before fleeing. However, they have not decided on whether to give that money to the guy who won it.
"Heck", said one Lottery Official, "what would be the point of giving it to him? So he could take advantage of a 'double your money in a week' net scam? We're thinking of saving him some time and effort, and just mailing it to a Nigerian prince ourselves."