Los Angeles, California - Yesterday, 81 year old Hannibal Smith, leader of the notorious A-Team, had yet another brush with death.
For the seventh time in as many weeks, the Grim Reaper came to collect this fugitive of over three decades. This time Hannibal was at Pleasant Valley Assisted Living Facility in Century City, room 313.
The Grim Reaper chose his time well. Both the Faceman and Howling Mad had already visited the day before, and B.A. Baracas was known to be helping the inner city kids learn to read in Chicago. It was believed by the Grim Reaper to be as easy as it could get.
Exactly where it went awry is unknown, but a source in Death's office, speaking on condition of anonymity, said this. "Well, the Grim Reaper had a bit of a back log, and probably should have chose another day. Once there, Hannibal looked at him calmly, lit one of his cigars, and asked him if Mr. Lee had sent him. Before the Reaper could answer, he got paged about a plane crashing into a ferry boat in Indonesia. So he decided to wait a bit on Hannibal."
Those familiar with the Colonel can no doubt guess the rest. The Grim Reaper decided not to give Hannibal an easy time escaping, so took him from his room and confined him in the facilities Maintenance Building, which was filled with machines, tools and supplies of all kinds. Telling Hannibal that he'd be back in an hour, the Grim Reaper left.
Upon returning, and with five minutes to spare, the Reaper was quite surprised when the doors to the building exploded out, and Hannibal roared out in what looked like a riding mower with a fire hose on it. Giving the Reaper a blast of high pressure water, Hannibal then rode off amidst another series of disorienting explosions. Unsurprisingly, in spite of the Maintenance Building and three other wings going up in flames, no one was so much as scratched.
This being the seventh time Hannibal has cheated Death, the Reaper is believed to be reassessing his whole approach, especially the wisdom of continually leaving Hannibal alone for an hour. Apparently in the previous six attempts, he had had Hannibal wait in a barn full of tractors and tools, a shed full of tools and gasoline, two different out buildings filled with supplies, a hospital, and in his most spectacular failure, a Home Depot.
"Okay", said the Grim Reaper, "I get that the Home Depot thing was pretty damn stupid, especially since it was after hours and Peck, Murdock and B.A. were all there with him. But this time, heck, a riding mower with a fire hose? Good Lord, where does he come up with this shit?"
The Colonel was unavailable for comment, but the Aquamaniac, believed to be in close contact with him said, "He loves it when a plan comes together!"