Written by Alexandria177
Print this

Thursday, 22 October 2009

image for Female Sex Addiction therapy - a solution in search of a problem
"I need cocks, not cures.", said college sophomore Connie Lingus

Peoria, Illinois - At the Addiction Recovery Institute of Illinois, (A feminazi think tank) they have treatment regimens for all manner of addictions. One such has particularly raised eyebrows, though. And that's the treatment for Female Sex Addiction.

If you haven't heard of it, don't worry, you aren't alone. And it scarcely matters. Regarding a woman's insatiable need for sex as a problem makes about as much sense as regarding your own need for oxygen as a problem.

Sure, you probably are "addicted" to oxygen, but is it really an addiction that needs "curing"? Or so say the leading male researchers at the North American Research Center Inventing Seriously Stunning Intelligent Solutions Today (NARCISSIST).

Pseudo-scientific anti-life "researchers" at "Wymyn's Studies" think tanks hiding at Liberal Universities nationwide have broke down the "problem" of Female Sexual Addiction into four sections. None worth worrying about. Most pretty cool.

Relationship Addict: In this the woman is primarily addicted to the relationship, and doesn't so much care whether she has sex or not. Orgasms are irrelevent to her. Real researchers - that is, men - have been unable to determine why that is a problem. "True", said Dr. Hugh G. Rection, "If the woman cares so little for sex that she does not provide it, that would be a major problem. But so long as she provides it, than her not caring about an orgasm is a good thing. Especially as most of us are unlikely to bother giving her one."

Such "relationship addicts" can be addicted to just one man, and some women actually want sex several times a day. It took several years of study to realize that they meant that as a bad thing. We men can only assume that they are worried about bothering us with their sexual needs while we are trying to watch the game. Other than that, this is a non-issue.

Pornography/Cybersex Addict: In this case the woman is displaying more male characteristics, but in typical girl fashion still tries to make it about relationships. This is hardly a bad thing. Women who do this typically engage in cybersex and phone sex with several men, giving solace and sexual relief to males nationwide. They are also, as a result of doing that, more willing to meet for actual sex, and this can only be a good thing. Some have reported losing sleep and quiting work to focus on this, but why any so-called "therapist" would wish to cure such selfless givers is beyond us.

Stereotypical "Sex" Addict: This is the most baffling. Baffling in terms of why it's a problem. In it, the woman is really all about sex, not about relationships. She engages in a series of one night stands, is more likely to engage in stripping, and is more likely to trade sex for drugs or money. We didn't bother interviewing any of these types, but we definitely enjoyed our time with them.

Sexual Anorexia: This at first seems to be bad, but it has it's silver lining. In it, a woman compulsively avoids sex, the way some avoid food. However, men need only seek out the more normally sexually addictive women for a time, then studies show that the Sexual Anorexic will "binge" and indulge in a lot of sex with you.

All in all, the real researchers at NARCISSIST (as opposed to lesbians seeking government grants) have examined the circumstances of Female Sexual Addiction and found that there is no problem to it whatsoever. To even attempt to find a solution or therapy to cure what can only cause happiness should be prohibited.

Make Alexandria177's day - give this story five thumbs-up (there's no need to register, the thumbs are just down there!)

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

Do you dream of being a comedy news writer? Click here to be a writer!

More by this writer

View Story
View Story
View Story
View Story
View Story
View Story


Mailing List

Get Spoof News in your email inbox!


What's 4 multiplied by 5?

9 20 4 13
44 readers are online right now!

Go to top

We use cookies to give you the best experience, this includes cookies from third party websites and advertisers.

Continue ? Find out more