Written by Alexandria177
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Wednesday, 21 October 2009

image for Has-been takes on Never-was
What person that doesn't matter in his life will he be reading about?

New York City, New York - In response to the recent spectacle of some half-baked former governor publishing a tell-all book about herself, a new release is soon expected from an eighties icon.

Yes, all you little Hulkamaniacs, the man who could tear a book in half has now wrote one, and it promises to be as fully relevent to your life as the one wrote by the woman who can "see Russia from her porch".

It's being billed as the battle of the Has-been, who back in the day actually achieved a lot of fame, and the Never-was, who got picked to lose with McCain.

The titles of the book show an early lead going to the man who was Mr. T's friend on the "A-Team". "My life outside the ring" actually makes sense as a title, it's descriptive, one knows what they are getting.

By contrast, the former beauty queen who would be king, has the title "Going Rogue", which would seem to be the title of Tom Clancy's latest bestseller on how moral and efficient our intelligence community is.

The man who inspired millions of white kids to wear do-rags also has another advantage. In spite of none of us caring too much, we do at least remember the guy as the lovably pretentious goof he was. Harmless. Pretending to, but not actually, taking himself seriously.

By contrast there is the Never-was. She one time won an election of a place with about 500,000 people. And couldn't even go the distance. While never having seen her throw a guy out of a ring, or anything remotely equivalent, we already know more about her than we'd have wanted to.

So there you have it. The Has-been actually did some stuff, and we don't know as much about him as we could. The Never-was has done jack all, and we already drown in information overload. By all rights, the Has-been should win hands down.

But this is America. And she has breasts, while he looks old and scary. So it's anyone's game!

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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