Stovington, Vermont - The Vagina Appreciation Guild In North America (VAGINA) has released a study in which they claim that America's vaginas are grossly underused.
Indeed, their interviews of 1,000 vaginal life support systems (women) showed disastrously low figures. While it's been long known that the vagina was specifically designed for having a penis inside it, and the life support system designed specifically to carry the vagina around, something has gone awry.
"Something is very, very wrong here.", said Dr. Andrea Dworkin. "Consider, a vagina operating at full capacity can process a penis every two minutes, which adds up to 720 per day. Granting that the life support system needs some sleep, it could still process 480 penises daily. Yet sadly, few vaginas see that many penises in a life time, let alone a day."
Researchers searched for reasons as to this deficiency, even taking into account the times needed for the vagina to rest or re-lubricate. But ultimately, the breakthrough came when they looked to the life support system.
"The life support systems of the vagina are failing.", said Dworkin. "While their sole purpose is to transport the vagina to the penis, instead the systems are pursuing things relevent to them, and basically saying 'to hell with the vagina' - it's as if your car decided to drive where it wanted, as opposed to doing what it was made to do."
Fantastically, the average vagina in America is brought to a penis scarcely over once a day - and usually the same penis, over and over. Vaginas built to give pleasure and release to 175,000 plus penises a year from the age of 14 to 114, are being left to "rust", to use Dworkin's car analogy.
It's got so bad that the life support units for penises have had to pick up the slack, and take a more proactive role in delivering the penis to the vagina. Fortunately for vaginas, the life support system of the penises have taken their role VERY seriously, and have been aggresively pursuing penis delivery methods for some thousands of years now.
Penis life support systems have gone so far as to deliver the penis to multiple vaginas, so as to give as many vaginas as possible what they need. Incredibly, some vagina life support systems have tried to convince penis life support systems to only deliver to one vagina, but few penis life support systems follow that harmful directive.
In the end, though, it's just not been enough. A campaign to encourage the vaginal life support system to remember it's duty, and meet the penis life support system halfway is needed. Vaginal life support systems should be encouraged to remember that they are the car, not the driver. It's simply not about what they want, it's about what the vagina needs.
And that's penises. And plenty of them.
"Frankly, if the vagina life support system isn't delivering the vagina to at least three penises a day, it's simply not trying.", said Dworkin. "Now if you'll excuse me, I'm off to go practice what I've preached!"