Written by Rebut
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Topics: Guantanamo, Nose

Saturday, 25 September 2004

image for Bobby Fischer Held At Guantanamo Bay
The King is back.

Bobby Fischer former world chess champion has been moved to Guantanamo Bay. While it is not being alleged that Fischer is a terrorist, the last straw was reached when he complained that a guard's nose was too long and Fischer couldn't see out of the bars.

Fischer who was captured in Japan for crimes relating to breaking UN sanctions in Yugoslavia, could face up to 10 years in prison if convicted. The problem will be in finding a court and a jury acceptable to Fischer.

Japan has an Extradition Treaty with the USA which requires them to hand over anyone sought by the authorities. The Americans were slightly peeved that the Japanese did not detain Fischer but bound and gagged him, put him on the next available flight locked in the toilet with a note "this is yours I believe", pinned to his chest.

US Marshall Chuck Dupontes said that they thought that the Japs were being mighty unneighbourly. Then they took off the gag. "It downright made me wish it were the old wild west. This mangy crittur was in desperate need of a shootin'. Never heard so much bitching and complaining come out of one mouth".

Fischer's arrival at Camp X-ray has caused fighting among the other prisoners. They are annoyed that the chief warden has ordered guards to take Fischer for daily walks. The guards are unrepentant.

"It's just a short walk on a leash down to a park nearby. Then we let him chase a tennis ball for an hour, do his stuff and bring him back.. It has calmed him down and his nose is wet, hell the improvement is worth the moaning".

Fischer's attorney Marvin Green was full of praise for the staff at Camp X-ray : "When Bobby arrived there was a lot of tension between him and the guards, particularly over messing on his cell floor. They must have broken his nose at least five times rubbing it into the turds. Now everytime I come to visit him his orange straight jacket is shining and his whole face lights up. It's time for Bobby to get back to the board".

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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