Studies have shown that six out of seven dwarfs are not Happy. Literary experts announced their findings after three years painstaking analysis of children's classic; Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs.
Master Antonio Cherry, who led the research, said; "We assiduously studied every aspect of the fairy tale and have concluded that of the seven dwarfs, only one was Happy. Of course there was only one Sleepy, Sneezy, Grumpy, Bashful and Dopey too. We are still trying to penetrate the meaning of Doc though."
The study was commissioned by former president George W. Bush in 2005 after statistics provided by the UN indicated that people with dwarfism are three times as likely to commit suicide in their early twenties.
Critics argue that this is another example of Bush missing the point, and that medical and psychological analysis would have been far more beneficial that a literary study. The current US regime are expected to make an announcement on 'Operation Heigh-Ho' later in the day.