San Antonio, Texas - His Most Christian Majesty, King Paul Emery Washington, Ruler of America, Protector of Canada, Lord of Mexico, Duke of Hawaii and the Pacific Isles, and Emperor of the Middle East, is alleged to be afflicted with Alzheimer's disease.
Sources inside the Lackland Palace say that Prince Richard and Prince William are in heated discussion over this, with Richard in favor of his father stepping down, and William insisting that he's still fit.
Prince Richard cites a string of odd behaviors that he says are entirely at odds with their original ancestor's wishes. "Since when would our founder, King George Washingtion, have advocated these 'foreign entanglements' that my father has led us into these past decades? Vietnam? Grenda? Middle East? Where does it end?"
Yet Prince William says that his brother is simply chomping at the bit to sit on the throne, and should have more respect for his father's domestic policies. "Since when have we been more secure from terrorism, as my father has wisely suspended habeas corpus from the commoners to keep them safe. And his soon to be released plan for providing medicine to the peasantry at no cost - I say he is fulfilling the original dreams of our founder!"
The most disturbing indicator though, and one that has palace officials and King Paul loyalists throughout the realm worried, is that President Obama has yet to pay a visit to his august Majesty, even after near a year in office.
While his most Christian Majesty has never specifically required the Presidents to brief him daily, the way some insecure monarchs overseas do, it has long been custom to visit monthly, to receive the King's blessing if nothing else.
President Obama, having been annointed President by King Paul last January, has not paid a single visit. Some see this as a busy man trying to fulfill the King's will. Others are whispering that Obama has a history of flirting with Socialist Democracy, and even now may be planning regicide. And - dare we whisper it? - some wonder if Prince Richard is sympathetic to this.
High Bishop Limbaugh of the Church of America says, "Prince Richard should be very careful. While he is the heir, there is a spare. The nation is not going to be led away from the tried and true principles of the monarchy to be made into just another populist democracy. The people need a strong King, and I - and the Church - intend that they always have one."