Written by Thermophyle
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Monday, 19 October 2009

image for New Aztec Calender Predicts New Date for the End of the World
Newly Discovered Aztec Kenyanputz

Anthropologists have adjusted a new date for the end of the world to Jan 13, 2013, Barack Obama's last day in office. It is now believed by many scientists that the only way to continue the existence of the universe is to reelect Obama as President on Nov. 6, 2012.

Last week Anthropologist working on a hillside archeological dig on the south side of Chicago at an old superfund site found a new more complete Aztec calendar. Several pervious stones have been found throughout the years in Mexico and are all identical, not contradicting each other. This new stone found in Chicago does not contradict any old information but has evidence of one new character carved on the side of the stone. This new character appears to be the image of a fire breathing donkey with palm leaves around his neck. Scientists have named the character the Kenyanputz.

Previously it was believed that of the numerous Aztec gods all held more or less equal religious power and significance. The Kenyanputz character however appears to be the supreme most high of all Aztec gods. Being the most celebrated of all Aztec deities he became the embodiment of aspirations and accomplishments. In pictures and carvings the Kenyanputz is always depicted in blue, facing left, with the sun passing over his left shoulder. His cult was considered the "state cult" and was the focus of the powerful economic and political system.

It is when you start counting the days at end of year that this new character has its most significant implication. Previous to this discovery it was believed that the Aztec calendar ended on Dec 21, 2012. The Kenyanputz added the thirteen days to the Aztec calendar meaning the calendar would end on our date Jan 3, 2013. This date has the world wondering now because it is also the last day Barack Obama will be in office as President of the United States if he is not reelected.

The Aztecs added Kenyanputz's thirteen days to the last year to allow for the festival of spending. In this festival the ruling party royalty, is to spend money with reckless abandon as if there is no tomorrow and no accounting will ever be made. This spending is believed to bestow wealth and prosperity on all Aztec citizens in the land. During this festival there will also be the ceremonial release of prisoners. Kickbacks, known as "campaine doonationiones" from grateful friends and family of prisoners will be necessary to help fund the festival of spending. There is some evidence to suggest that the festival of spending is actually to last for four years, then the world is supposed to implode.

Scientist and mystics world wide are asking everyone to think deeply in their heart during the 2012 election cycle. It is believed by great thinkers world wide that Barack Obama is the Kenyanputz. Only by reelecting Obama as President is the universe safe from total annihilation.

It should be noted that a few right wing reporters have asked to have the new calendar stone examined by their experts. It is their contention that there is no way that an ancient Aztec stone would have been buried in south Chicago. They say that the stone looks like a plaster cast that some one painted brown with a can of spray paint. These fringe reporters are accusing Obama supporters of perpetrating a grand hoax. This hoax will then be used to convince the public into voting for Obama in 2012 in fear of their life. Chicago police are now looking into the possible racist extremist background of these reporters.

All credible scientists that have viewed this new stone calendar have certified it as authentic. They all have gone on record saying that each and every one of them would stake their reputation on the fact that Barack Obama is unquestionably the real Kenyanputz.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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