Written by Adam Click

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Topics: Barack Obama, Ears

Wednesday, 30 March 2011

image for Obama Slowly Going Mad From Satellite Transmissions
The president is often restrained for his own good.

President Obama is easily recognizable in even the worst photos and caricatures because of his enormous auditory apparatus, and he is said to be quite sensitive about the subject. Now an anonymous source within the White House says that the president is slowly going mad from the constant satellite transmissions he is picking up with his ears.

"Some people have ringing in the ears but this is much worse. He hears the type of screeching and wailing that you hear from a fax transmission or a dial-up modem.", Said Doctor Vincent Van Angstrom, White House Physician, who asked not to be identified.

"He is also hearing voices, but not the kind of voices you or I hear. These are transmissions from HAM operators and flight controllers. It makes it very hard for him to concentrate on the task at hand."

The president is often observed stuttering or breaking off in the middle of a speech, and his town hall meetings are full of uncomfortable pauses as he tries to regain focus and direction. To further complicate matters he is some times required to wear small ear pieces that allow the Secret Service or television people to communicate with him during public events.

Experts have tried all sorts of remedies but their efforts are complicated because the president is a very public figure. After all, you can't have the leader of the free world running around in a tin foil hat. "This is very distracting for Mr. Obama." Doctor Van Angstrom continues,"It puts him on edge.".

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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