Written by susan allen-rosario
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Topics: Washington

Monday, 29 August 2005

image for Trailer Trash Pride Day
"Swine Lake Dance Competition"

Duffus, Washington - Self proclaimed guru and leader of the support group, "Trailer Trash United," has declared Monday, August 16th as Trailer Trash Pride Day in Duffus, Washington.

"We are trailer trash and we are proud, and it's time that the world learned about us from someone other than Jerry Springer. This is our chance to share and celebrate our simple life style and dispel some of the stereotypes that have plaque us for years. We have several events scheduled that will highlight some of our talents and abilities."

He then gave a basic rundown of some of the events planned for the day:

Dunch


A combination of dinner and lunch, "So we don't have to get up too early," he said. "At this time we will have our Kraft macaroni and cheese cook-off. There are as many ways to prepare Kraft macaroni as there are people in this trailer park. Personally, I replaced the boiling water with beer."

Up On Blocks


"Our younger members will compete to see how rapidly the can get a disabled vehicle up on blocks and stored in their front yard for optimal visual repulsion."

Swine Lake Dance Competition


"A select group of "big" boys dressed up in tutu's, will line dance to "Achy, Breaky Heart." Should be enough to puke a dog."

The Tanya Harding Look A-like Contest

"She became our national hero after she decked her boyfriend with a hub cap. What a classy broad. The winner will receive a Greyhound bus ticket to "Recliner World" in the Mall of America."

Suma Housewife Mud Wrestling


"No carb counters in this group, we like our women large and luscious, big and beefy! The weight limit starts at 250 lbs. These buxom babes will wrestle for a $100.00 gift certificate to Krispy Kreme. We have taken the ancient art of Suma wrestling and added two intriguing twists. Mud and women.

We will end the evening with a Beer Bash and Boogie, which includes a beer can smashing showdown. The day should be action packed, and memorable, we expect a great turn out."

Footnote: I was very fortunate to have interviewed this gentleman, but when he asked me to be a judge in the Suma Housewife Swimsuit Competition, after hearing the criteria, I respectfully declined.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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