Written by b kenneth mcgee
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Topics: Jesus, Guns

Saturday, 17 October 2009

image for "What kind of Automatic Weapon Would Jesus Carry?" - New NRA Sales Promotion
All Jesus could muster, in his day.

The NRA announced today that it is beginning a national sales campaign across American to promote the sales of automatic weapons and hand guns. "Our goal is to sell a weapon of some sort to every man, woman, and child in America over the age of six" stated the spokes person for the organization.

As outlined in a press release, the NRA will conduct out reach programs across the entire spectrum of American society but concentrating mostly on "targeted" areas with high numbers of "Value Voters."

"Of course" stated the spokes person, "we will be spending a lot of our effort in the church communities as well as the Boy Scouts, Girl Scouts, Cub Scouts, and Brownie Scouts. Including, but not limited to, we will instructions for the young people on safety and how to shoot to either kill or to maim. No child will be left behind. Our legislative outreach will be to pass laws in each and every state requiring that no one can enter a bar or attend protests and demonstrations without carrying a weapon either concealed or displayed. The program is also available to all police departments and law enforcement agencies. Our recommendation is that all cars in each jurisdiction be stopped and inspected for weapons. The driver of every car that has a weapon in it will be issued a citation. For white citizens it will be a citation for good citizenship...for blacks and hispanics...it will be a citation to appear in court. No one will be left out...and our country will be better for it"

The planned campaign is multi media in scope with a billboard purchase nationwide showing a white seven year old boy holding an assault rifle and standing on the corpse of a dead hummingbird....the caption reads..."From My Cold Dead Hands....

Conservative talk radio and Fox News heralded the campaign. Corporate co-sponsors include the gun and ammunition manufacturers. The American Association of Funeral Directors was one of the first to join the growing list of sponsors.

The NRA release ended with....."No...we don't actually know what kind of assault weapon Jesus would carry. We do know it would be.... "Made in America"

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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