Written by Harry Porter
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Monday, 27 September 2004

image for More Terror Plans Unearthed in Pakistan
Have you see this man? A police sketch of the Al Qaeda operative, code-named 'George Grenville'.

The Bush administration has uncovered further evidence of plans to terrorise and intimidate the United States.

Working in conjunction with Britain's secret services, files on a computer in the history department of Pakistan's University of Peshawar reveal a sinister plot to subjugate the American people.

But, unlike previous discoveries, this time the frightening intent is irrefutable.

An operative, code-named ‘George Grenville', believed to be working for Al Qaeda, has been named as the lynchpin in the sinister plot.

US officials say the computer files reveal a ‘crazed blueprint' to cripple America's paper and sugar industries.

"Although we don't have an exact year," said a Whitehouse spokesman, "we do have exact dates when this will happen. Paper has been targeted at 65 minutes past five on March 2, with our sugar industry being hit just a minute earlier on April 5

"We also believe that on April 7, at precisely 17.73, that's 73 minutes past five in non-military time, there is the intent to hike the price of tea beyond the means of the average American citizen."

In a live television broadcast, President George W. Bush stressed: "These facts, we believe, are beyond question and underline the fact our enemies are innovative and resourceful, and so are we.

"They never stop thinking about new ways to harm our country and our people, and neither do we."

Intelligence reports claim the plot appears to focus on the Boston area and it suspected an armed attack make take place there. The cell operating in Massachusetts is believed to be led by the highly-trained Iraqi officer, General Thomas Gage, who, so far, has eluded capture.

Inside sources say, while the files are still being analysed, it would appear March 5, at 70 minutes past five, is the time most likely for the attack. While the precise location has not yet been identified, the terrorists are using the ‘Customs House' as the code name.

"We have also unearthed evidence of a whole series of what are described as ‘Intolerable Acts'," said another official.

"We haven't yet cracked what these mean but we, and the American people, will not tolerate anything that is intolerable, to even contemplate it would be intolerable."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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