Jessica Simpson, a Hollywood personality mostly famous for having a really nice body, starring in a reality series, bringing bad luck to boyfriends, and being dumber than a box of rocks, announced that she secretly married Wal-Mart last week.
A spokesman for the groom gave the following statement to the press: "The law states that a corporation is a person and has the same rights as a person. Therefore, Ms. Simpson (now Mrs. Wal-Mart) has chosen to marry the world's largest retailer."
It is not known at this time whether or not a prenuptual agreement was signed by either side. If not, the bride could be expected to gain billions of dollars in assets if there were ever a divorce.
Bubba Walton, a distant third cousin of founder Sam Walton and owner of .003 percent of the stock in the company, has volunteered to represent Wal-Mart in the marriage bed. Bubba currently shags carts in the parking lot at a Rogers, Arkansas Wal-Mart. There has been no comment from Jessica.