Jefferson County, Florida - Jefferson County, Florida police today responded to reports by terrified drivers that a port-o-potty was smashing into the vehicles of early morning commuters.
As it turns out the 7 am commute along Happs Rd on the southern end of the county was strewn with half a dozen cars and one truck, all of which suffered substantial damage from what reports are of the legendary monster, Bigfoot, weilding the outdoor bathroom receptacle.
No injuries were reported.
Reports are sketchy at this time but they indicate that around 7:15am a large blue port-o-potty came flying over the guard rail hitting a chicken truck driven by an Alpers County resident named Fred Furlin. Furlin's windshield was smashed and his truck hit a utility pole dislodging his cargo and several dozen dazed chickens were flung about the road. A second vehicle driven by Mrs. Emma Mayou struck the Furlin truck sending both vehicles into the middle of the road. Subsequent other vehicle clashes ensued blocking the well traveled two lane way.
Victims and passersby quickly responded by calling sheriff's offices with reports of a large bear at first rummaging around in the potty until they realized the creature was standing on two legs shaking the box and howling. No bear it was and the residents scurried for cover. Moments later, according to one witness a Glenn Neller from Siler, who was a mere ten feet from the incident the creature was indeed a Sasquatch and was appeared to be stuck inside the receptacle shaking about profusely.
"They was hollerin' and crap a-flung all which parts as I could see," recalled Neller via cell phone, "It was enough for a body to avoid on coming cars, squawking chickens and poo from that thing's thrashing about!" he continued.
Reports say after freeing itself from the far flung potty the creature bounded off in great speed toward Millers Creek where it disappeared from view.
Sheriff Dept. spokespersons declined to comment on the account until a press conference later this afternoon could be convened.