Red Rock, Wyoming - In this city, which unbeknownst to our government is the Meth Capital of America, the local citizens have passed a new ordinance banning the sale of gasoline.
"We had to do it.", reported Mayor Johnstone of Red Rock, "The Meth Heads were using gasoline to get their cars to take them to where they could get methamphetamines. Think of this as 'tough love' or 'cold medicine'."
The Mayor is referring to the well known phenomena where citizens use otherwise legal and harmless substances in their pursuit of methamphetamines, a drug which unlike nicotine, caffeine and alcohol is proscribed by our benevolent government.
Citizens are not entirely prohibited from the dangerous substance of gasoline. The ordinance does allow them to get it, but only with a doctor's note saying that they need it to get to and from work in order to eat. This is not believed to be an unconstitutional prohibition.
Says local man Vern Wallbanger, though, "This is bullshit. How can I stay awake long enough to work my third part time job in Obama's America, without a little pick me up?"
Obama was unavailable for comment, being transported by Marine One to an undisclosed trailer in the bad section of southern Baltimore.