Written by Abel Rodriguez
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Thursday, 15 October 2009

image for The Punk Who Burglarized Lindsay Lohan's Home Is Caught
A photo of Nathan Pruganzinski, the punk who broke into Lindsay Lohan's house.

CALABASAS, California - The individual who reportedly broke into Lindsay Lohan's home last month has been arrested by Officer Zack Crossrail of the Calabasas Police Department.

Officer Crossrail stopped Nathan Pruganzinski on account his car was missing both its windshield wipers.

Pruganzinski was asked about the missing windshield wipers and he replied that he had not even noticed, but he wanted to report a windshield wiper robbery.

When Officer Crossrail checked on Pruganzinski he found out that his fingerprints matched those that had been found in Lindsay Lohan's home after the burglary.

The individual is 18-years-old, stands 6 foot 6, and weighs 102 pounds. A reporter for The Calabasas Citizen Clarion said that he kind of resembles a telephone pole.

When the trunk of Pruganzinski's car was checked Officer Crossrail found the 3,591 pound safe that had been taken from LiLo's Hollywood Hills home.

At first Pruganzinski told the officer that he had no idea how the safe had ended up in the trunk of his car. He said that he remembers lending his car to this grandmother Joaquina Pruganzanski, 87, who lives in Burbank.

He told the officer that his grandmother is a very strong woman, and when she was younger she won the women's weightlifting championship of Bulgaria in 1947.

Miss Lohan was called down to the police station and she did identify the safe as belonging to her. The police asked her what was inside. She replied that it contained $27,000 in one hundred dollar bills plus some intimate photos of her and her ex-boyfriend Samantha Ronson.

The police sergeant told her that he had no desire to view the photos and asked her if the total amount of money was there. LiLo replied that it was.

They asked if she wanted to press charges against Purganzinski and she replied by saying do ducks have waterproof butts? "Hell yes, I want to press charges" she replied.

Pruganzinski, who looks like he could be Ashton Kutcher's twin sister was placed in a jail cell and his bail has been set at $500,000.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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