Written by Sussman
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Topics: George W. Bush, Food

Thursday, 5 August 2004

President George W. Bush, in order to garner more publicity, ate some local food from Iowa-an ear of corn on his campaign. As he described it, it was "the best cucumber I have ever eaten."

Bush is furiously campaining in the Midwestern United States to gain support in the upcoming November election. He stopped in Iowa, where he was offered corn from a local farmer.

"I figgered he woulda liked the corn," farmer Jethro Tullski said. "But dag gummit, he kept callin' it a cucumber. What's wrong with that boy?"

Advisors to the Bush campaign declined interviews, although they did comment that Bush's mixing-up-cucumbers-with-corn will not hurt his re-election chances.

However, media experts predict that Democratic supporters will help Bush to constantly remember his folly at all costs until November .

"Why are we surprised?" said "Farenheit 9/11" director Michael Moore. "First he attacked Iraq when he meant to attack Afghanistan. Now he's calling ears of corn cucumbers. There's no telling what havoc he would unleash, if re-elected, on the Constitution of the United States."

Moore then pulled out a boombox and began playing Neil Young's "Rockin' in the Free World."

Democratic presidential candidate John Kerry refused comment, saying he would rather wait until the polls were released so he could then say what he thinks the American people wanted to hear.

"It's how I've done all my speeches-why mess with a good thing?" Kerry said with an expressionless face.

Corn advocates are outraged. Skyler Clampett, the president of the National Organization for Corn, released a statement saying, "We demand an apology from President Bush. Iowa has some of the best corn in the country, and as President, he should not only acknowledge the deliciousness of the corn, but also retract his statement saying it was a cucumber."

Political experts are still not sure how Bush's calling corn a cucumber will affect the upcoming polls, but agreed that "most of the polls are flawed anyways, and nobody knows how they get their stats. So I wouldn't worry about it."

Al Gore, who went out of his way to speak reporters, had this to say: "I think President Bush ought to stay away from Idaho. If he eats a potato, he might call it a carrot. C'mon, guys, isn't that funny? I hope you put that in the newspaper. I stayed up all night coming up with that great joke! Please please please don't walk away! I must continue to be in the spotlight!"

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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