NEW YORK CITY - The Rev. Al Sharpton, who prides himself in being the defender of the little people (5 foot 2 and under) said that the homeless situation in the 'Big Apple' has gotten completely and totally out of control.
The reverend went on to say that there are now more homeless people living on the streets of New York City than there are Eskimos in the entire country of Alaska.
Rev. Sharpton was informed that Alaska is not a country but a state. He raised his eyebrows upward, cleared his throat, and replied, "Dat's exactly my point. Alaska is the 50th state and we needs to see to it dat the Eskimonians are treated with all the respect, admiration, and sympathy with which we treat the members of the Navahos, the Arapahos, or the Idahos.
He went on to say, that frankly he did not care where the hell the ho's reside, if they want to change their low-lifing, everhoing ways, then we as a responsible nation of responsible states, and some irresponsible cities needs to see to it that these women, black, white, brown, black, yellow, black, red, and black, are all provided with a decent governmental package to stimulate their 'boom-booms.'
[WRITER'S NOTE: I know about 117 euphemisms for knockers, about 94 euphemism's for crotch cookies, and about 89 euphemisms for assaroonie, but I'm not quite sure what the term 'boom-boom' is. Now, If I had to wager a guess, I guess my guess would be that the 'boom-boom' would be the caboose, because of the fact that sounds can definitely emanate from its general direction if not from itself directly.]
Rev. Sharpton said that he has self-appointed himself to spearhead this homeless program which he is calling The Reverend Al Sharpton Homeless Placement Program of 2009. He said that he has already spoken to Starvos Agrippas owner of the It's All Greek To Me Ship Line Company in Staten Island
The reverend said that Mr. Agrippas has assured him that he will provide him with one of his 300-foot merchant vessels which can easily hold all of the 39,000 homeless people.
He then added assuming of course that there aren't too many fat ones, which since they are homeless people, would probably tend to be more on the skinny side.
Sharpton said that the ship, which he has nicknamed 'The Rev. Al Sharpton Homeless Peoples Ship' will depart from the docks of Staten Island settin sail for Mexico and dock at the dockos of Tampico a week later.
When asked if he had talked to President Obama about his new program Rev. Sharpton became somewhat indignant. "I am the Rev. Al Sharpton, I ain't Donnie "Dumbass" Rummysfeld or Dick "Dickless" Cheney, and I certainly do not needs no permission from my good friend and fellow half-black brother Brobama."
Sharpton went on to say how one time at a White House Beer Party the president turned to him and told him that as long as he was president that he (the reverend) could pretty much do whatever the effen heck he felt like effen doing.
He then pointed out that just as long as it did not involve drugs, kidnapping, or money laundering of course.
Rev. Al was asked about the rumor that he may be replacing Jay Leno. Sharpton winked and said that it isn't a rumor and that 'Mr. Potato Head' aka the 'Chinmaster' is in fact getting ready to be put out to pasture pretty damn soon.