President Barack Obama was rushed to a Maryland hospital this morning just to be on the safe side after he got up from bed and began walking funny.
"He was kind of one-sided", stated wife and first lady, Michelle Obama. "I was afraid it was a stroke or something."
She then added that he also had one eye swollen.
After a couple of anxious hours and with reporters from all 50 states and 44 foreign countries just outside Bethesda Hospital, a specialist and a spokesman for the hospital held a news conference.
"It's good news...(loud roar from reporters drown out rest of statement as cellphones and note pads flew into the air!)
"Let's begin again. The president is doing fine. Apparently the one-sided walk is from the left cheek of his ass being kissed more often than the right cheek, which is quite understandable. So in the future, please try to kiss his ass cheeks equally."
"Also, he has received something called 'The Barney Frank/Larry Craig Double Doodle Treatment' as he called it, while he slept from exhaustion after his recent trips overseas."
Asked about the swollen eye, the hospital spokesman stated, "It's a small sty. We were concerned about that for awhile because of a sty being the first sign of the Swine Flu, but he is OK."
Another cheer from over 500 reporters.