Written by Greg Boone
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Tuesday, 13 October 2009

image for Lincoln Memorial Comes To Life After Lightning Bolt Strike

Columbus Day tourists to the famed Lincoln Memorial fled in terror as the famous statue rose from it's perch after an errant lightning bolt struck it.

Rising to a height of 28 feet tall, the bewildered behemoth lumbered forth smashing the Doric columns that enshroud the outer monument. Debris rained down on the fleeing tourists and guards at the monument tried to engage the rampaging titan as it headed outward toward the even more towering Washington Monument.

"He seemed dazzled by the sunlight!", said Mrs. Anna Mae Walker. "They was chunks of cement flying all over and some folks got hit but I didn't see nobody get hurt too bad, but then again my ass was in the wind!".

Scores of people hurried to the safety of nearby open ground as the looming marble figure of the 16th President made it's way to the white obelisk of the Washington Monument. Security guards' bullets had no effect on the effigy as it plowed through their defenses and to the stunned masses quickly scooped up Secretary of State Hillary Clinton who had arrived to give a speech on health care reform.

Clinton shrieked as the statue began climbing the tower with her in tow and immediately military helicopters were called out to subdue the giant.

Rounds of ammunition were spent but none had any effect on Lincoln as he swatted at the buzzing choppers.

All looked lost until the smart thinking Clinton reached ino her purse and produced a leftover banana peel she had refused to discard on the campus grounds being the conscientious citizen she is, and tossed the fruit peeling at the sheer walls of the monument where it stuck. Lincoln unaware of the remnant set his foot against it and slipped plummeting to the ground below.

"We saw it all!", said guard Lemuel Swift. "It looked like it lost it's footing and came tumbling down with a crash that felt like an earthquake!", the veteran office of 20 years stated.

"After that he just laid there motionless and fellas standing around had to use crowbars to remove Mrs. Clinton from his grasp. Once they got her out she sprung up cussing and fussing and swore she'd get legislation passed to fine the forces of nature from animating inanimate objects!"

Emergency response teams quickly secured the area and the prone Lincoln giant was quickly rushed off to a secured but undisclosed location for further study.

Clinton's office refused to comment on her status but one witness who asked for anonymity stated that the former Senator was livid and reportedly stated,

"This is worse than the time the CIA hired Britney Spears to hunt for Bin Laden and I had to impersonate her in her stead for four years!"

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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