Written by Paris Silton
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Sunday, 11 October 2009

image for Governor Schwarzenegger Develops Swedish Accent Overnight - Obama's Peace Prize Is Blamed
The Governator is beginning to enjoy his new Swedish accent

In probably the most alarming manifestation that California has 'Gone Sweden', Governor Schwarzenegger has developed a Swedish accent.

According to his wife, Maria Shriver, his accent changed from Austrian to Swedish overnight.

The phenomenon is a result of a purported 'reaction formation' that has occurred as a result of President Obama's Nobel Peace Prize, described in a related story.

"He was pretty quiet after he woke up Friday morning, but I didn't think much of it," Ms. Shriver said. "He's had a lot on his mind, what with this budget crisis and all.

Then, while he was eating his Wheaties, he looked up at me and asked 'Vuoold you pleese-a pess zee sooger?' I nearly fell over! The sounds coming from of his mouth - well, it just wasn't him!"

Shriver described her husband jumping out of his chair at the sound of his own voice. "It completely freaked him out," she said. "He clutched at his throat and stuck out his tongue and kept shouting things I just couldn't understand."

Reportedly, he then began to run around the breakfast table, flailing his arms. He spilled the milk and tipped over the Parkay margarine, upsetting the children. Soon, 15 aides were dispatched and arrived at the scene, subduing the Governor with taser guns.

"After he calmed down, it was easier to understand him," Shriver said. "As he lay there on the floor with his head in my lap, I could make out 'Due you heer thees? Due you heer thees, Mereea?' and 'Vhet zee hooly foock is heppeneeng to me-a'"? She continued, "The first word I understood was my name, and the rest just clicked. I guess Swedish accents are not that far off from Austrian."

The Governor's Chief of Staff, Sigourney Kennedy, advised Schwarzenegger not to speak publicly until the matter was resolved. She immediately sent for the world's leading linguist, Professor Henry Higgins, who arrived from England yesterday.

After speaking to Mr. Schwarzenegger through a Swedish translator, Prof. Higgins was livid. "I'm going right back home on the first flight out of here!" he raged. "I dropped everything and came here immediately because I believed I was doing a service to mankind.

I thought I was going to help him get rid of his Austrian accent and quit butchering the English language! There's not a person on earth who wouldn't want to hear this man speak English without that obnoxious accent!

Now I come to find out that although he wants me to rid him of the Swedish accent -- which admittedly is appalling -- he wants me to restore his Austrian accent. I refuse to use my God-given talents to do such a thing!"

Prof. Higgins continued, sounding like something from Act I, Scene 1 of "My Fair Lady". "By right, he should be taken out and hung for the cold-blooded murder of the English tongue."

When confronted with news of Prof. Higgins departure, the Governator was unconcerned, displaying a newly pacifist attitude. "I guess I'll joost ride-ah it oooot, go veet zee floow."

He plans to resume his gubernatorial duties on Monday, Swedish accent or not.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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