Washington DC-- Speaker of the House Nancy Pelosi was walking through the corridors of the Capitol on Friday afternoon when she received quite a surprise.
Suddenly, Nancy found herself being wrapped in a green satin gown. Someone put a diamond tiara on her head, and someone else gave her a dozen red roses. Familiar, insipid music began playing in the background. Nancy Pelosi found herself being crowned Miss America!
The honour was quite a shock for Ms. Pelosi, who is married and almost 80 years old. Her large cow-like eyes and her skeletal body must have caught the attention of someone important though, and she won the beauty contest without even entering it. In a world gone completely mad, the honour made complete sense.
"I want to thank all the little people that made this possible." said a teary Ms. Pelosi. "Sorry--forget that--that's for my upcoming Oscar." she quickly corrected herself.
"I am so proud to be your Miss America!" she began again. "I want to bring whirled peas. I want to sit down with world leaders and show them only love can conquer hate. I want to help keep America beautiful..." she rambled on for hours, like most contestants.
Nancy told the press that anyone should be able to become Miss America. Men, children, animals, insects, even inanimate objects should be eligible.
"Yes we can!" chanted Nancy as she ran down the Capitol steps as quickly as her 80-year old legs could carry her. She twirled around a few times for the cameras and tossed her tiara high into the air with a gleeful look on her wrinkled face. "We're going to make it after all!" she laughed.