STOCKHOLM [Huh?](ABSNN) -- President Barack Obama was awarded the Nobel Peace Prize Friday announced the Nobel Committee from Stockholm (what Oslo? Norway? You're shitting me, right?). This suprised many of the over 200 nominees for the Prize due to the fact that Obama was nominated for the Peace Prize only weeks after his election to the Presidency.
"Well, he lost the Olympics, so we gave him the Medal," stated unnamed sources in Stockholm ***Oslo (Ed).
Obama becomes the third sitting US President to be awarded the Nobel Peace Prize. Theodore Roosevelt won it for speaking softly, and Jimmy Carter was awarded the Prize for brokering a peace between Israel and Egypt.
However, the Peace Prize has not boded well for US Presidents. Roosevelt lost his reelction bid as did Jimmy Carter later in the 20th century.
Rush Limbaugh praised the Nobel committee for doing what no Republican could do, "make the fucker speechless."
Obama is meeting with his defense committee at this time to determine whether or not to send an additional 40,000 US troops to Afghanistan to kill more killers.
Sources close to the President told ABSNN that if the troops were not needed in the Middle East, they will be deployed in the home districts of Republican congress members and senator's states, "to keep the peace."
"I'm a peaceful guy," said President Obama.
"Just don't fuck with me!"
(Editor's note: Most of our writers know basic geography but for Frankie the J, West Virginia is the entire universe. Our apologies to the Committee.)