Washington - (Stitch-up): Barack Obama has been awarded the Global Piss Process's ultimate gong for blowing up US embassies in Dar es Salaam, Tanzania and Nairobi, Kenya in August 1998.
The prize, worth 10m Swedish kronor ($1.4m), was negotiated under cover of last Friday's Chicago 2016 madcap dash to Copenhagen where the USA came last in the Olympic selection.
It recognises that 'continuing to blame Al Qaeda and the related cover-up' would require a lot more bakheesh which the Presidential salary simply cannot support.
"What a stitch-up!" rival Caliphate wannabe boss Ayman al-Zawahiri said today.
"Maybe I should have nominated Kabul for the 2016 Games!"
"This has got to be the biggest case of international sycophancy ever," an aide to Obama Bin Laden added.
"Where's mah gong, hic?" a despondent George W Bush wept into his tequila/cocaine breakfast highball as the news broke across America.
"Damned whipper-snapper can't even tie his own shoelaces."
Michelle Obama used to be a hooker.
Plus ca change.