Written by Abel Rodriguez
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Tuesday, 13 October 2009

image for Sarah Palin's Ex-Future Son-In-Law, Levi Johnston, To Appear In PlayChick Magazine
Sarah Palin relaxing in the swimming pool of her Texas Ranch, Rancho La Saracuda. (Photo courtesy of Levi Johnston).

CHICAGO - The former ex-future son-in-law of the former ex-governor of Alaska Levi Johnston has agreed to pose in PlayChick Magazine.

The Chicago-based publication caters to the modern, discerning, American woman between the ages of 19 and 39, but certainly nearly 73% of the subscribers are 'cougar-type' women who are between the ages of 39 and 69.

In fact the oldest subscriber to PlayChick is Roberta Frickle of Indianapolis, Indiana who just happens to be 103-years-old.

When asked if the subscription was a gift to her from some family member or friend, Mrs. Frickle was quick to point out that she herself subscribed to the magazine.

She noted that her daughters wanted her to subscribe to Better Homes and Gardens or Senior Citizen Digest Illustrated, but she told them to F off cause she was getting a magazine where she could ooh and aah the male 'member' (penilicticus erectolus).

Levi was asked if he had thought about getting back with Bristol Palin. He laughed so hard he almost choked on his chewing tobacco. He composed himself and pointed out that after being with Kathy Griffin there was just no way that he could go back to La Bristy, as he calls her.

When asked what Kathy Griffin had that Bristol Palin didn't he grinned and said that he'd rather not say. When he was pressed to give an answer he simply remarked that Kathy has an unbelievable pair of hoo-ha's that made him effen scream yi-ha each time that he caressed them in his hockey-playing hands.

Levi was asked if he had voted for John McCain and Sarah Palin in the last presidential election. He said that he would rather not say. He was asked again and he smiled, took a drink from his bottle of Caribou Light Beer and said that he had actually voted for the 'Bro.'

When asked why, he confessed that he knows Mrs. Palin about as good as her own husband does and that she is a compulsive obsessive big game blaster, who he feels he just cannot trust.

And by that he meant that if she does not manage to shoot at least one caribou, elk, reindeer, or moose a week she goes into a deep blue funk and starts shouting out stupid things.

Levi was asked to elaborate. He said that 'SaPa,' as he and only he calls her, would yell out things like "I can really and truly see effen Russia from my friggin' frackin' master bedroom bathroom."

"Every mutha [EXPLETIVE DELETED BY PROOFREADER] knows damn well that I can do a much better Sarah Palin impersonation than that skinny-ass bitch Tina Fey."

And "That anorexic grandma Barbi doll-looking Cindy McCain thinks she was oh so pretty and so so sexy. Well she wasn't all that. I was all that. And a whole lot more that dammit!"

Johnston said that once Mrs. Palin would start into her rantings and ravings he would grab Bristol by the hair and the two would drive down in his snowmobile to the local Dairy Queen and order two Pretzel Blizzards.

Levi revealed that he has never told anyone but Mrs. Palin once confided to him that she had once seen Cindy McCain naked and that she had the Budweiser logo tattooed on her left one. She laughed and added that on her right one she had a tattoo of a drink coaster.

SIDENOTE: Wolf Blitzer asked Senator John McCain if his wife did indeed have the Budweiser logo and a coaster tattooed on her hooters. The 91-year-old senator, who is best noted for having spent five and a half years in a North Vietnamese POW camp as well as for having the stupidest-looking comb over on both sides of the Mississippi River, smiled and said that Levi was absolutely correct.

He then thought for a moment and said that he was trying to remember if the coaster tattoo was on the right one or the left one. He then said, "Oh hell, I'm not really sure anymore, but I do know that it isn't on her ass, cause I remember seeing her ass back in 1997, and there was nothing there but a tiny little hint of cellulite."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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