British immigration officials were reportedly 'utterly baffled' by a US citizen's application for political asylum earlier today.
The applicant, reported to be a Mr Paul Potts, originally of Nowhere, Nebraska has told British officials that, having once been a member of the Crips, he was scared that the Bloods might arrange for a gangland hit on him at an isolated gas station because he once wore a blue bandana in his bedroom.
He claimed that he had settled illegally in the UK with his British wife, who he married in Florida in an alligator infested swamp, and that he wanted to claim asylum from her too. Because he was scared of her.
He also cited Barack Obama and his administration as another reason for being scared of returning to the US.
"Everybody knows Obama's a Blood," he told us in a phone conversation. "He'll kill me personally if he gets the chance. I hear from his rep that he's a true blood for life and that he'll fight to the death for the Blood brotherhood. I'm also scared of returning to the US because I don't like stepping on snails, and that my buddies will think I'm a big pussy because of that."
We were as baffled as the British and American authorities, so we called in a psychologist, who after reading the transcripts told us:
"The guy's a fucking whack job."
More as we get it.