ALAMEEDA, AK (ABSNN) -- A Crocashit News Network reporter, dressed in gorilla costume, entered the Alameeda, Arkansas chapter of ACORN Wednesday evening, posing as a teenaged prostitute, and asked ACORN employees how to acquire federal housing funding.
The ACORN staffer, Mz. Obamamamma Riola, a former Chicago ACORN staffer, was secretly videotaped telling the "gorilla" that "even the US Government is not stupid enough to award Section 8 housing to a gorilla. You need to pretend to be an illegal alien, say from Rawanda, or some other place in Africa."
Ms. Riola then filled out the funding application for the "gorilla" because, obviously, Riola was aware that Lowland gorillas are unable to write in English.
"Here, I'll fill that out for you. It'll cost you $4592 in US money," she said.
The "gorilla" responded in perfect English: "Do you take Visa or Mastercard?"
"Yes, but not American Express, Diner's Club or personal checks," Riola told the undercover reporter.
Digital video was obtained by ABSNN that showed the ACORN staffer pocketing a large wad of US currency, after counting it several times. She then proceeded to fill out the paperwork.
"I'll sign it for you, since gorillas can't write, but that will cost an additional $395, monkey," she said.
The Crockashit News Network reporter paid the additional money and asked for a receipt, but was denied one due to the fact that ACORN had no such item in stock.
"You'll just have to trust us, sugar. Come back in two weeks for your money, less of course, our 58% fee. Now, get your monkey ass outta here,' Riola told the "gorilla."
"I am not a monkey, ma'am," the reporter informed her.
"Gorillas are great apes," he said.
"Then get your grape ape ass outta here; I got dinner plans," she said, dismissing the reporter.
When ABSNN aired the video, the Nation ACORN Headquarters, located in the East Wing of the White House issued the following statement:
"This is yet another attempt by the Godless Republican press to inflict damage upon this venerable institution. In forty years of service to low and moderate income communities, we have never chanrged more than 38% fees for our services."