HOLLYWOOD - Former Republican Speaker of The House Tom DeLay has chosen to withdraw from the Dancing With The Stars competition. He added that by choosing to continue earlier in the week he did not know if he was 'insane' or 'stupid.'
The 62-year-old politician said that his footsies (feet) got to where they were just hurting too much. His dance partner Cheryl Burke, as careful as she was, managed to step on DeLay's feet three times during their rehearsals.
DeLay said that the last time Cheryl stepped on his feet they felt as if they had been stepped on by Oprah Winfrey, who just happens to be an overweight Democrat.
Tom said that he really enjoyed performing on the dance show. He thanked his dance partner Cheryl Burke, who he commended for going on a weight loss program and managing to lose 57 pounds from last year.
He also thanked Tom Bergeron for being a classy guy and never mentioning anything about the political scandal that he has been embroiled in.
DeLay said that he thought that British Judge Len Goodman was somewhat fair, but he did suggest that maybe the crotchety old sumbitch grump needs to retire before one of the celebrity dancers kicks his Cockney kiester all the way back to Buckingham Palace.
And he then turned towards the hormone-raged Bruno Tonioli and told him that he hopes that he and Donny Osmond will be very happy together. He grinned and added that Donny had told him to say that.
The politician from Texas then turned to Carrie Ann Inaba, the lone female judge, and told her that she was as pretty as any Washington intern that he had ever seen and that included Monica Lewinsky.
And then El Hombre Politico who was nicknamed "The Hammer" for the way he used to run the D.C. House of Representatives turned to the camera.
He smiled and with a tear in his eye said, that most of all he was going to miss all of the cute little pansy-like costumes he got to wear.
After the show as DeLay was handed the $100,000 check for appearing on Dancing With The Stars, he turned to fellow celebrity dancer ex-Cowboys receiver Michael Irvin and said, "Bro, this here check will sure come in handy for my legal defense." Irvin grinned and replied,"I knows what cha mean bro."