In a surprise announcement, the NRA today invited all Muslims residing in the United States to begin caching and carrying firearms immediately. Citing the second amendment's commandment to all Americans to arm themselves to the teeth just in case, the venerable group called down shame on leaders of the Muslim community for their dereliction of duty.
Too long, and in the minds of too many, the glorious NRA has been perceived by the ignorant as a repository of closed, racist minds, poisoned by testosterone overload.
"Nothing," the spokesman averred, "could be farther from the truth. Carrying concealed, and our sacred right to do so under any and all circumstances, trumps minor issues of race, religion, politics or even sanity. We look forward to the day when every American owns and uses semi-automatic, and on the glorious day of fulfillment, fully automatic weapons to shoot deer and anything else they damn well please."
In a related story, the activist group Pretty Mad Sisters (PMS) today rallied in support of the NRA. The splinter groups, PPS (Pistols for Preschoolers) and NFG (Nuns For Guns) were unavailable for comment.