Written by Abel Rodriguez
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Wednesday, 7 October 2009

image for School Brat Bites Teacher
A cell phone photo of Skipper Millinocket taken just a few minutes before he bit his teacher.

Police were called to Condoleezza Rice Elementary School after receiving a 911 call that a fifth grade student had bitten his teacher and was still latched on to the teacher's arm.

Sterling Blue, who has taught the fifth grade at Condoleezza Rice Elementary for 17 years, says that he was in the middle of explaining to his class that Christopher Columbus, who discovered America in 1492, had taken an awful lot of ribbing from his friends, relatives, and co-workers, for believing that the world was not flat.

Mr. Blue said that all of a sudden one of his students, 11-year-old Skipper Millinocket jumped up from his desk, ran towards the front of the classroom, and proceeded to bite him on his left forearm.

The 42-year-old teacher said that he yelled for Skipper to let go, but Skipper could not hear him for all of the tremendously loud screaming coming from the entire classroom.

Mrs. Binnie Campofranco who teaches home economics in the next classroom heard the commotion and ran in. She saw that the student had Mr. Blue's arm in his mouth and she immediately took the bottle of water that she was holding and she threw it in the ravenously-looking student's face.

The water did not phase Skipper one damn bit and unfortunately it only made him bite down harder.

Suddenly one of the classroom students, Corky Moczygemba, stood up and went up to Mrs. Campofranco and told her that he had a knife and if she wanted him to he could stab Skipper a little bit.

Mrs. Campofranco was shocked to hear Corky say he had a knife. "You have a knife?" She asked him in disbelief. When told that he did, she then proceeded to tell him that he knew that carrying a knife on the school property was a direct violation of the school's weapons policy.

She told him that after all of this commotion was over, that she would have to walk him over to the principal's office.

Suddenly the classroom door opened and it was Principal Jeremiah Vanderpill. He was carrying a baseball bat. He had received a phone call from one of the classroom pupils telling him what was going on.

Within seconds two police officers arrived. Right away officer Newton Halifax went up to Skipper and instructed him to turn loose of his teacher's arm. Skipper refused. Officer Halifax repeated his command. And again Skipper ignored him.

The other officer, Heriberto Guantanamo took the baseball bat away from the principal and went up to Skipper. He told him that if he did not turn his teacher's arm loose by the time he counted to three, he was going to show him his best Barry Bonds homerun swing imitation.

Skipper instantly opened his mouth and turned Mr. Blue's arm loose. Skipper was handcuffed and led out to the police squad car.

Mr. Blue was rushed to the hospital by school janitor Kaito Shimasaka, 39.

Principal Vanderpill noted that out of the 27 kids in the classroom, 26 are visually traumatized. Only Corky "Knifey" Moczygemba seemed to be okay.

Vanderpill has said that the school counselor Mrs. Simone Torpenhow, 61, will speak with the entire class in the morning.

She will also be showing the class a film that deals with disruptive type classroom behavior. The award-winning film is entitled, "When Little Brats Bite."

Mr. Blue is resting quietly at The Our Lady of The Tires Hospital. His doctor said that he was given several shots including one to counteract rabies, one to prevent tooth decay, and one to prevent an infection which could lead to piglet flu, which is a quasi form of swine flu. Skipper has been sent to the Greater Dayton Animal Clinic where he is being watched and closely observed by three animal experts.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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