WHITE HOUSE (ABSNN) - President Barack Obama, who lately only opens his mouth to change feet, took umbrage at Fox News (this isn't news) this morning saying that the network was "unfair, unbalanced, and unnecessary."
"I therefore have signed an Executive Order shutting down Fox News and all programs on Fox television, except for the one's my children think are funny," the President told reporters from the White House Press Room.
"Reporters seemed stunned by the President's announcement," said a Constitutional scholar, Judge Judy.
"But I told him it was OK for him to do it because Fox News is so mean to him," she concluded.
"Does that mean an end to freedom of the press," an ABSNN reporter asked the President.
"More or less, but I'll review each network's coverage of my political agenda and only shut down the ones that make me look bad," he said.
"I've also signed an Executive Order forcing the International Olympic Committee to take the games away from Rio and put them in Chicago," he stated.
"Registered Democrats and Acorn executives will be given first choice of all jobs to bring about the Olympics in 2016," said Obama.
"Can you do that," asked a French reporter.
"I can do anything. I'm a community activist," Obama told the reporter.
"Sir, you're the President now," Robert Gates reminded him.
"Oh yeah, that too. Now, everybody sing the Obama Song!"