Written by Evan Essence
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Friday, 22 April 2005

image for Schwarzenegger to Eliminate "3 R's" from Education

Sacramento, California -- California governor Arnold Schwarzenegger, puffing on a cigar, has announced that under his new plan for streamlining state government, he will become the "Education Tzar" of California.

Some educators..many of whom earn Master's Degree's or PhD's before they become high school principals...have raised their eyebrows at the idea that someone with so little education would have the qualifications to be the highest ranking official in charge of California's educational system, and they have begun wondering what influence this free-wheeling playboy would have on the children under his jurisdiction.

Schwarzenegger got his education in the locker room. His first live-in girlfriend was a teenage stripper. He recieved his higher education in the bars of Hollywood, where he created his own legend as a hedonistic, womanizer , and adulterer....with his trademarks of sticking his hands down the blouses of unsuspecting women, and having a long-term romance with an underage girl, even though he was married.

Schwarzenegger has announced that his first order of business will be to eliminate the traditional "3R's" of education....Reading, 'Riting, and 'Rithmetic, and replace them with the 3 W's of his own education: Weightlifting, Womanizing, and Wine Drinking.

"If they are going to go out into the work world, they need to be lifting weights, and building up those muscles, so they can carry heavy loads", he said at a press conference. "And if those girlies are going to Hollywood to try out for a part, they need to be able to tell the difference between a Chablis and a Chardonnay".

"I didn't need to take math to get where I am" he exclaimed.
"You don't need to be able to read, to tell whether or not a cigar was made in Cuba. And we don't want employees who are writing all the time...they will just be filing complaints against their bosses, and that would be bad for California's business climate."

When asked why he will be eliminating all of the high school courses needed to qualify students for entering California's college system, he replied, "lets face it, not many people in California will be going to college 10 years from now."

"There are already enough people in China going to college, to fill all of the managerial positions in WalMart. It would be redundant, and therefore wasteful to the World Economy, to have people, here, going to college, too."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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