HOLLYWOOD - Donny Osmond and his partner Kym Johnson finished dancing a fairly decent rumba and then went and stood before the judges to receive their critique.
The old codger from England Len Goodman said it was alright. And then the Italian judge Bruno Tonioli said that Donny danced as if he was a sissified fairy.
Osmond ran over to Bruno and he kissed him on the cheek. He then took Bruno in his arms and hugged him. The host, Tom Bergeron almost dropped his microphone, but said he didn't for fear that Kanye West would have picked it up and started his hip-hop rantings.
Carrie Ann Inaba almost swallowed her tongue, but luckily Len stuck his middle finger down her throat and gave her a touch of CPR.
The show's director Mason Kippflavor could be heard yelling "Cut! Cut! I said Cut! Dammit!" But the two lovebirds would not stop.
Bruno then changed position and Donny continued hugging him and at one point Bruno's leg went up in the air almost knocking Len's grouchy old ass out of his chair.
Tonioli kept telling Donny that they needed to run off to Bora Bora or at least to Redondo Beach.
Finally the director had a security guard go up to the two and physically separate them. Bruno kept yelling "Leave us alone, just go to a stupid commercial."
The guard could not make Tonioli turn Donny loose. By now Donny's wife, who was in the audience, was crying hysterically because she was afraid that her husband was being molested by the Italian right before her very eyes.
The director then called for the K-9 security dog. Fluffy soon arrived and he proceeded to jump on Bruno's lap.
Bruno quickly turned Donny loose. Right away Donny ran over to Kym his dance partner, who by this time was sitting on the dance floor crying from utter embarrassment.
Bruno was led away in handcuffs and as he was being taken backstage he could be heard yelling "Call me Donny my cell phone number is [CELL NUMBER DELETED BY EDITOR.]"
Donny told Tom that he was sorry for his unexpected outburst. He looked into the camera and apologized and said that he hoped that his home state of Utah would forgive him for his temporary transgression.
Tom told him not to worry because if Utah didn't forgive him he could always move to Nevada or California, where he could also be closer to Bruno.
Tom Bergeron went to a commercial. And after the commercial he apologized to the live audience and to the viewers at home. He then pointed out that in the nine year history of the show this type of wanton exhibition had never ever occurred before.
He then grinned and said that he had just gotten a great idea for a brand new reality show, The Fruits of Napa Valley.
Former Dallas Cowboys receiver Michael Irvin was heard to have said backstage, "Man dem white boys will do anything to win."