Written by Abel Rodriguez
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Topics: Food, Texas, chupacabra, drink

Sunday, 20 June 2010

image for "The Chupacabra and Seven" Wins The 2010 Best Damn Drink In The USA Contest
A photo of the Chupacabra that was taken with a powerful zoom lense by the noted photographer from West Virginia, El Frankie.

LOBO, Texas - The small West Texas town of Lobo recently hosted The 29th Annual Best Damn Drink In The USA Contest & Frijoles Borachos Cookoff.

The yearly event was held on Tumblin' Tumbleweed Day, which is celebrated on the third Saturday in June. The festivities were filmed by a TV crew from New York City and the documentary will be shown later this month on The Condiments Channel.

Some of this years top participants included Sir Spoofer Skoob, from Portsmouth, England, who has written one of the best books ever published on The Beatles entitled Yeah! Yeah! Yeah!

Bargis Tryhol from Orange Pulp, Florida, owner of the largest tangerine grove in the world placed second in the Frijoles Borachos Cookoff

Frankie The J, from Miner's Pickaxe, West Virginia, who along with his business partner Bert Mann are the chief stockholders in The Upper West Virginia, Lower Great Lakes, & Lower Grand Canyon Railroad won the award for The Best Looking Senior Citizen in Town.

And Bowling Green Bureau, from Thoroughbred Hooves, Kentucky who owns seven race horses including last years Des Moines Derby winner Southern Snippet won The Horseshoe Pitching Contest hands down, or rather hooves down.

One frijoles borachos cook off participant, Victor Nicholas actually rode into town on a refurbished 1957 John Deere tractor that he had driven all the way from Canada to Lobo, Texas.

[EDITOR'S NOTE: Frijoles Borachos are exactly as the name implies, 'Drunken Beans.' The FB's are cooked in a pot filled with the beer of your choice. The Frijoloes Borachos are so good that they have been assigned a patent number by the Library of Congress in Washington D.C.]

The yearly event was once again held on the parking lot of Lobo's world-famous Jalapenoman Bar & Grill, home of the mouthwatering Barbecued Triple-Meat Cheeseburger, or as the locals affectionately like to refer to it El Mero Chingonburger.

The Jalapenoman Bar & Grill, which is managed by Earl Grey, who is originally from Russia, has been featured in several statewide and national publications including Deep In The Heartburn of Texas, Barbacoa World Illustrated, The Lone Star State Biscuits, Cornbread, & Tortilla Review, and the number one rated Texas food publication which is put out by the infamous Mazota Sisters Catalina, Consuelo, Chiquita, and Sigourney Taste My Tacos Please.

Each year the small town hosts the event that sees people attend from such foreign cities as Barcelona, Spain; Helsinki, Finland; Tripoli, Libya; Upper Tooting, England; and Juneau, Alaska.

[EDITOR'S NOTE: Juneau, Alaska is not actually a foreign city but to hard core Texans it is.]

This year the drink that won the coveted first place Shot Glass Award was a drink created by Esteban Alejandro Montezuma Morse, head bartender and owner of The Smilin' Sauced Salamander Bar in Nuevo Gingko, South Carolina.

Mr. Morse created a drink that he named The Chupacabra and Seven, which he revealed was inspired by the MGM movie, La Chupacabra - Beast, Bitch, or Both, which starred Amy Winehouse in the role of the Chupacabra.

An unnamed source stated that The Chupacabra and Seven has been the beverage of choice of noted bon vivant Philbert of Macadamia for many years.

In other Texas related news. There was a rumor going around that apparently started up in Amarillo that Governor Rick Perry wanted to buy Rhode Island and rent it out. Well that's false, it was not Rhode Island, it was Delaware.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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