Written by Madame Bitters
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Topics: Nose, world, nails

Saturday, 3 October 2009

image for Man With World's Longest 'Pinkie' Nail Puts it to Good Use
This man does his own 'mining'.

Carson City, NV: It's been said that you can pick your friends and that you can pick your nose-- but that you can't pick your friend's nose.

Charlie Shitter, Man with the World's Longest Pinkie Fingernail, begs to differ.

Shitter, whose fingernail on his left pinkie is a staggering 22 inches long, has shattered that golden rule by starting a nose-picking service using said fingernail.

Shitter runs his fledgling business, Picker and a Grinner, out of an abandoned school bus on the outskirts of Carson City.

"Business is booming," Shitter told me as I approached him for directions on how to get back on the service road and the hell out of Carson City.

When I expressed confusion about his statement, as this reporter hadn't asked about a business of any kind, Shitter elaborated.

"You know, it's real dry out here. It's the perfect place to mine for 'Green Gold'." Shitter proudly held up his left hand. "And this here's my shovel."

When Shitter scrutinzied my face and asked me if I needed his services ($10/nostril-- outrageous if you ask me) I began to scream.

Luckily, one of Carson City's finest came to my rescue by giving me coherent directions and within minutes I was out of Carson City.

During these tough economic times, it's good to know that the entrepreurial spirit is alive and well. And in this case, disgusting.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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