Written by Abel Rodriguez
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Friday, 2 October 2009

image for David Letterman Admits To Having "You-Know-What" With Staff Members
David Letterman standing in front of a Peanut Butter Tree talking to reporters about his you-know-what scandal.

NEW YORK CITY - It appears that The Late Show With David Letterman staff was from all looks of it a pretty darn close knit bunch of happy folks.

NBC studio janitors have reported hearing a wide gamut of sounds emanating from the closed staff conference room.

One janitor Julio Campesino, who has worked in the building for 18 years said that he had never seen a more dedicated, happier, and sexier staff than Mr. Letterman's staff.

Campesino said that he used to hear the boss say okay folks, what happens in Vegas stays in Vegas all the time. And he used to wonder to himself why the boss was always talking about Vegas when they were in Manhattan.

The hard working janitor says that now that things have come out he has been able to put 1 and 6 together and come up with 7.

Another Late Show janitor, who asked to go nameless, said that it was his job to make sure that the staff room condom dispenser was always filled.

He said that one day back in May he forgot and his boss had a conniption fit and he ended up sending him over to the corner Walgreen's Drug Store to get a 12-pack box of Trojans.

Norlan Ficklin said that he was told to just leave the box by the door and to go mop the parking garage.

Letterman revealed on Thursday's show that an individual named Gazebo Gingrich (no relation to Newt) left a note in the backseat of his car demanding $2 million or else he would spill the beans and make the messiest bean soup imaginable.

David paid him the money and the man was immediately arrested. He is presently incarcerated in the jail cell right next to Bernard Madoffs.

Letterman's first guest Woody Harrelson sat down after being introduced. He then smiled and told Dave that he hopes he has a damn good lawyer cause he may be fixing to go on the financial ride of his life.

His next guest Kim Kardashian walked in, sat down, stood up and turned around and asked Dave if his scandal made her 28-year-old a*s look fat.

Dave grinned and replied that his lawyer Abraham Moshe Rosencrantz had advised him not to even look at her a*s much less mention it.

In a related story. Jay Leno upon hearing about the David Letterman Staff Scandal noted, "That is precisely why all of my staff is male."

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