Written by Abel Rodriguez
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Topics: Police, Texas

Thursday, 1 October 2009

image for Marfa, Texas Lays Off It's Entire Police Force
Marfa's police dog Fritz will also be getting laid off.

MARFA, Texas - The little West Texas town of Marfa, which is situated 162 miles southeast of El Paso, has found a way to deal with the nation's economic crisis - simply lay off the entire police department.

Marfa Mayor Rojo "Red" Carabina said that the reason for the lay offs was totally budgetary. He added that Police Chief Cy Woodpebble and officers Buck "Bubba" Dunbacky and Bubba "Buck" Stocksock had done an outstanding job.

The mayor added that Marfa's police dog, Fritz will also be getting laid off.

Mayor Carabina noted that just last week the Marfa Police Department had intercepted a shipment of 300 pounds of cocaine that had come across the Rio Grande and was headed to Saginaw, Michigan.

Mayor Carabina said that the quick thinking and quick acting actions of Police Chief Woodpebble and officers Dunbacky and Stocksock led to the arrest of two of the Sombrero Grande Mexican Drug Cartel's top lieutenants.

Officer Dunbacky was the first to notice a 2009 Lamborghini traveling at a high rate of speed. Officer Stocksock's radar gun clocked the car going at 137 mph.

After chasing the Lamborghini for over an hour, the two drug cartellers were apprehended as they sat at a Sonic Drive In in Alpine, Texas eating cheeseburgers, tater tots, and Route 44 Diet Cherry Limeades.

Mayor Carabina was asked by a TV reporter for El Paso's Channel 91 how he expects his town to function without a police department.

The mayor took a sip from his Dos Equis Cerveza (Two X Beer) and told the reporter that he had asked a very good question; a damn very good question he added.

He said that he will be implementing a "Let's All Be Nice" policy. When asked where in the world he had come up with that the mayor replied that he had heard about it last summer while he and his lovely wife Willow were vacationing in London.

The mayor said that he had read in The London Timely Tribune about the town of Great Yarmouth, England that a few years earlier had implemented the same policy after the entire police force resigned due to the infamous English Football Banana Kick Scandal of 2007.

Mayor Carabina said that he sat down with Police Chief Cy Woodpebble, Assistant Mayor Maddie Jo Bittersweet, and City Councilman Hubby Neiderdorff and discussed the budgetary situation.

After two days of two intense 12-hour sessions the committee of four decided that they really only had two options.

The first was to lay off the entire police force and completely shut down the town's police department or the second choice was to cancel this years Founder's Day Hoedown and Good Old Boy Parade.

The committee voted and the decision was 3 to 1 to do away with the Marfa Police Department. Police Chief Woodpebble voted to keep the police department, but Carbina, Bittersweet, and Neiderdorff voted to continue with the Founder's Day Hoedown and Good Old Boy Parade.

After the meeting, Police Chief Woodpebble was asked to comment on the decision. The chief spit some tobacco juice into an empty Pepsi can and angrily said, [A TOTAL OF 17 EXPLETIVES HAVE BEEN DELETED].

A note to anyone of a criminal type persuasion who just might be thinking about taking a trip over to Marfa. Be forewarned that three of Marfa's residents are the Crabapple triplets Gregorio, Geraldo, and Guillermo. And the three are expert shots and have been ranked #1, #2, and #3 by The Texas State Rifle Shooters Association for the past seven years in a row.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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