Written by Abel Rodriguez
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Wednesday, 30 September 2009

image for Rev. Al Sharpton Says Roman Polanski Is Innocent
An extremely close-up photo of Rev. Al Sharpton.

HARLEM - The Rev. Al Sharpton speaking before an audience of rich Harlem businessmen at a local Motel 6, remarked that Roman Polanski, who is presently in custody in Zurich, Switzerland is innocent.

Sharpton, who champions himself as the sultan of social injustice said that the media, the press, and the authorities are just picking on him because of three reasons.

The controversial civil rights activist said that one, Mr. Polanski is short and the American justice system has a documented history of always picking on short people, look at Charles Manson, Al Capone, Bernie Madoff, and Martha Stewart.

Sharpton then said that secondly, the Swiss authorities are picking on him because he has a horrible French accent.

He pointed out that the Swiss have never liked anyone with bad, heavy accents. He added look at how they felt about Joan of Arc, the Beatles, and Inspector Closeau.

And thirdly the golden throated self-proclaimed Hero of Harlem said that people in general just do not like Roman Polanski because he is ugly, and genuinely ugly to boot.

The reverend said that anyone can look at the mop-haired dude and in four seconds realize that he is even uglier than that tattooed, toothy, terrible-looking Amy Winehouse b*tch (bitch).

Rev. Sharpton was asked how he could be so sure that Polanski was innocent. He smiled and said, " Because I knows in my liver of livers dat da man he be innocent. I means for goodness sakes y'all, it has already done been close to what, let me see here, 49 years."

One reporter got in Sharpton's face and told him that he was basically full of ghetto grackle bird shit.

Sharpton fired back at the reporter by calling him a redneck, bigoted racist. When the reporter told him that he was black, Sharpton looked at him a little closer and asked if he was sure because he sure did look like he was white to him.

The reporter told Sharpton to look a little bit closer and he would see that he was an black albino.

Sharpton got closer and he started laughing. "Well hot damn if you ain't!" he said. "Brudder, yu sho nuff is definitely one friggin' [N-WORD EXPLETIVE DELETED] ain't cha."

The reporter grinned, put down his chicken wing, and said "I told ja I was, you big fat, lard-assed, crazy fool [N-WORD EXPLETIVE DELETED].

Rev. Al Sharpton said that he is planning on going on The Larry King Live Show and asking that the American viewers donate money to the Help The Good Harlem Reverend Alfred Charles Sharpton, Jr., Help The Innocent Film Director Roman Polanski Fund.

[EDITOR'S NOTE: EXPLETIVE COMMENTS BY THE EDITOR DELETED BY THE PUBLISHER (THE EDITOR'S BOSS).]

[WRITER'S NOTE: I was able (Abel) to read the EDITOR'S NOTE expletive comments before the publisher deleted them. WOW!]

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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